Picture from www-afterthoughts.blogspot.ca
I am 26. Well, almost 27. People say I am witty, funny, I have a successful career, make decent money, one of my dates said that I have an exotic appeal and a hot accent. I have great pictures on my online dating profile not to mention a very well written ‘about me’ section that gets me a lot of responses. Despite all this I have NOT had a relationship in nearly 5 years. Given, that I live in rural Canada it is relatively difficult to date unless someone serious enough comes along who is open to long distance dating. Having said that there are gay men and women in my part of the world that have partners so blaming it on my location seems more of an excuse. After putting in some thought, I came up with several possible reasons for my solitude for almost a lustrum.
1) Everyone wants to date the best guy or girl. But the problem is that best is a relative term. l find someone online or meet someone in person who makes my heart skip a beat and I tell myself that he is the one. The next week someone more interesting comes along who is better than the guy I met the week before and there I am, ditching the guy from week one, pursuing the guy from week two, looking forward to someone even better to come along in week three. I know it is wrong, very wrong but every time a guy pursues me, it tells me that I can do even better.
2) I am too stuck up on what my man should do for a living. While I regularly fantasize about blue-collar hunks working in construction, oil rigs etc. When it comes to dating I filter online profiles by their level of education and the profession they are in. Anything below a Bachelor’s Degree does not even show up in my searches. I was raised in a family and in a culture that associates enormous prestige with STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Medicine) professions. I find myself to be very hypocritical here. While I chose to pursue a very different career (a career that I find very rewarding and satisfying ) subconsciously I do attach a certain amount of prestige with certain professions and this means that I have ruled out more than half of the single gay men.
3) I have very high standards (unrealistic, possibly) in general. I have this mental image of what my guy should look like, how he should dress up, how he should talk, walk, smile, breathe, his family background yada yada yada… and since my ex boyfriend fit every single criteria to a tee I am having difficulties settling for anyone who does not fulfill my standards.
4) While I have this never-ending list of expectations for my possible dates, I have not spent much time taking care of myself to be able to meet their expectations. I have to admit, I am not in the best physical shape at this point in my life and I am not doing anything to remedy it either but I keep expecting my dates to be Mr. Grey who is definitely out of my league.
5) I had read somewhere that if you do not find your partner in school chances are you will find them at work and since I am not out to most people at work I don’t think I will have any luck there.
6) and Surprise! Surprise! I am still in the Closet. well, for the most part. I do meet guys but I make it a top-secret affair. I do not want to be seen with them at a place where people from work hangout or basically anybody who knows me hangs out. Working in the hospitality industry, I am very conscious of where I meet guys. A lot of nice restaurants are out of question even though people hardly know me there. I am sure all this will change once I am out to my parents. Which is the reason for writing this blog.
I titled the blog in the form of a question when I started (“why am I still single?”) while I was typing I took a few minutes to ponder over the possible reasons and changed the post’s heading to its current title “Why I am still single.”
I hope to find time to introspect more on all the possible reasons that I have come up with and hopefully remedy them.
Until then, Cheers to being single.